[ he kisses her back, as generous as she is greedy because the font of love he has is vast: he can give himself to her, wholly, a deep a kiss as he can manage without crawling into the pit with her.
he doesn't deserve the world, but that's okay, because he doesn't need it. to love and be loved is enough. ]
Are you sorry, Toko? For being with me?
[ he brushes her hair back with his hand, places a palm on her face, thumb stroking her cheek so he can make sure it doesn't tremble and betray him. ]
She takes everything he deigns to give her, tongue to tongue and stealing breath. In a way, it puts life into her better than this plastic tub of balls ever could. That he would still choose her, knowing her at her worst, gives her a new rung on a ladder she thought she'd reached the end of.
Is she sorry for being with him?
Is she happy?
She huffs, half cry and half laugh against him as she clings close.]
I w-was made to see so m-many versions of my own life. Nearly all of them w-were complete shit.
But the ones were I had you...I was n-never happier. Not anywhere else.
[Komaru came close. Komaru was, and is, key, the first step she ever made to living a normal life, knowing she could be worth something to somebody.
But Mikoto made her want to live with a burning passion. For him, for herself, for the things they could be together.]
You m-make me want to be a better person. I don't f-feel like it's impossible anymore, when I'm with you.
Was that what your "challenge" was, trying out different lives?
[ in literally any other production company that would've made for great tv. imagine a life where he got therapy and actual coping mechanisms. imagine a life where he became a photographer instead of a designer, or maybe he was actually good at baseball and went the athlete route, or any other little tweaks in his life- any little change might have made life more bearable than it was
but then he wouldn't have come here
he wouldn't have met fukawa
in another life maybe he would have been happy and healthy and well adjusted, but he wouldn't change anything for what he has right now. ]
[It's a little clearer now, the whole of it. She doesn't feel as lost in any part of it. Something about the sharpness of the words exchanged here, each one a knife to cut through layers of delusion. She feels very raw, a skin peeled back. Simplified.]
There was some k-kind of medieval theme. Sorcery. A dragon. [The state of her arrival, legs mauled and covered in vomit and spit might shed some light on what happened there.] But there w-was a part with some kind of magic...thing. I got sent to this place full of m-mirrors, and my lives were playing on them. Every v-version of them I might live. Syo was with me there, separately. We both had to watch.
People I knew kept appearing, telling me I had to choose...ch-choose one.
[Like she'd said. None of them were very good. Fukawa grimaces, and moves to let the side of her head rest on his shoulder. Let her tell the rest of the story to the soft skin of his neck. Confessing sins to the mortal wound she once made.]
I th-thought I'd picked right. Then Komaru came. I think it was...it looked just like her? Sounded...And sh-she asked if I was sure. S-said that if I was choosing a life wh-where I'd hurt people before, then I'm basically refusing to change. That I might as well just stay in that in-between place, than go back and hurt someone else.
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no subject
he doesn't deserve the world, but that's okay, because he doesn't need it. to love and be loved is enough. ]
Are you sorry, Toko? For being with me?
[ he brushes her hair back with his hand, places a palm on her face, thumb stroking her cheek so he can make sure it doesn't tremble and betray him. ]
If you're happy with me, don't say you're sorry.
no subject
She takes everything he deigns to give her, tongue to tongue and stealing breath. In a way, it puts life into her better than this plastic tub of balls ever could. That he would still choose her, knowing her at her worst, gives her a new rung on a ladder she thought she'd reached the end of.
Is she sorry for being with him?
Is she happy?
She huffs, half cry and half laugh against him as she clings close.]
I w-was made to see so m-many versions of my own life. Nearly all of them w-were complete shit.
But the ones were I had you...I was n-never happier. Not anywhere else.
[Komaru came close. Komaru was, and is, key, the first step she ever made to living a normal life, knowing she could be worth something to somebody.
But Mikoto made her want to live with a burning passion. For him, for herself, for the things they could be together.]
You m-make me want to be a better person. I don't f-feel like it's impossible anymore, when I'm with you.
no subject
[ in literally any other production company that would've made for great tv. imagine a life where he got therapy and actual coping mechanisms. imagine a life where he became a photographer instead of a designer, or maybe he was actually good at baseball and went the athlete route, or any other little tweaks in his life- any little change might have made life more bearable than it was
but then he wouldn't have come here
he wouldn't have met fukawa
in another life maybe he would have been happy and healthy and well adjusted, but he wouldn't change anything for what he has right now. ]
no subject
[It's a little clearer now, the whole of it. She doesn't feel as lost in any part of it. Something about the sharpness of the words exchanged here, each one a knife to cut through layers of delusion. She feels very raw, a skin peeled back. Simplified.]
There was some k-kind of medieval theme. Sorcery. A dragon. [The state of her arrival, legs mauled and covered in vomit and spit might shed some light on what happened there.] But there w-was a part with some kind of magic...thing. I got sent to this place full of m-mirrors, and my lives were playing on them. Every v-version of them I might live. Syo was with me there, separately. We both had to watch.
People I knew kept appearing, telling me I had to choose...ch-choose one.
[Like she'd said. None of them were very good. Fukawa grimaces, and moves to let the side of her head rest on his shoulder. Let her tell the rest of the story to the soft skin of his neck. Confessing sins to the mortal wound she once made.]
I th-thought I'd picked right. Then Komaru came. I think it was...it looked just like her? Sounded...And sh-she asked if I was sure. S-said that if I was choosing a life wh-where I'd hurt people before, then I'm basically refusing to change. That I might as well just stay in that in-between place, than go back and hurt someone else.
[She goes quiet a moment.]
Then Syo killed her.