He lets go of her hand and she nearly totters back, head reeling as her chest is swarmed with every anxious, life-upending turn affection could take. Nothing like what she expects from this side of himself. Nothing he's allowed, nothing he'll acknowledge, until the pressure builds too high. Pop.
What else can she do?
Fukawa sweeps back in and threads her arms around him. Screw it. If he hurts her, fine. If he throws her off and runs, whatever. But she feels it all too.
Her heartbreak still stings but it's the want that hurts more. It's only been a month — wiser souls would tell them to get a fucking grip — but she's never been one to feel things by halves. Jealousy? Through the roof. Possessiveness? Oh boy. What do you think has her arms curling around him like it's a reunion of several years, and not mere days?
She wants him so much. Doesn't deserve him. Doesn't deserve to have any of this deluge spilled over to her. Shouldn't be reflecting it back, twofold. Infatuation might be quick and cheap, but it had been rooting too deep to call it so any longer.
Love. Vast, prescient, and terrifying.]
Please. [She hiccups against him, uncertain but so desperate.] Let me t-try again. I'll do whatever it takes. Please?
It d-doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to.
[ he stiffens under her touch, more awkward than repulsed, and even more than that is the fear. he is very obviously not the person she wishes she could be hugging right now, not the person this display of affection is for. if anything, it feels like he's the parent fukawa is asking for permission to date mikoto and he wants to say no just out of principle.
"will you promise to make him happy?" that goes without question, without any input from her necessary
"will you promise to keep him safe?" that one's a bit more complicated, but is there anybody in the world who could? fukawa doesn't inspire much confidence in him, and syo remains a ticking time bomb, and the world is cruel but at least it can't hurt mikoto when he is being held hostage.
is safe better than happy? if he had to choose one over the other? ]
It's pointless, asking "me"...
[ he thinks of his wish, and what had brought them here. he looks down at his hands, hanging loose at his sides, watches them lift and settle back down on fukawa's shoulders so he can push her away and out of the hug. it's not a rejection, nor is it a gesture of reassurance. the overwhelming emotion is awkwardness. ]
But... if you'll take him back...
[ fukawa's the one who rejected him in the first place? incited her evil other self to kill mikoto for his wrongdoings. she's asking him to give her another chance but really shouldn't it be the other way around ]
[It's much less of a shove than she expects. Small blessings. She's just grateful that it's only awkwardness and not disgust, murderous rage, irritation. The outpour of yearning feeling was Mikoto's, mostly. She's certain of it. She doubts this one would ever trust her fully again.
Still, he's asking.
Fukawa wets her lips, and nods her head. Was there any other answer, after hearing all of this?]
I w-would. [She touches her finger under her nose, making certain she's not too bad of a mess. It could be worse. It's so hard, looking up into his eyes and not seeing him there. She feels a bit like she's taking this one at gunpoint, but god. She's too selfish to deny the offer. Anything to have him back.]
If what you s-said is true, then...how could I possibly say no?
[She huffs, fighting another round of tears. And for the first time since the party, there's a smile turning up the corners of her mouth.]
[ she COULD......... but he wasn't really banking on it, not after everything. it's just resignation now, that he's feeling, exhaustion in the face of inevitable doom. ]
Whatever. Tell him in person when he wakes up.
[ which is so many days away... why is this pc monday makes it later in the week instead because the idea of him continuing to hold mikoto hostage all week anyways gets my ass ]
[ GANBA FUKAWA......... mikoto is asleep and his alter is just like oh well not my problem ]
Uh. You- your other self, coming in all of the sudden was a shock. He'll probably repress that on his own.
[ probably? mikoto's always been good at that, running away from difficult problems, things that frighten him. maybe the memory would be there, but he wouldn't try to think about it... probably. is that good enough...? ]
...What he doesn't remember, will you tell him anyways?
[ is it important for him to know, the betrayal of a drunken night and the morning after? obviously it makes him uneasy, mikoto having to shoulder that and accept the blame, but it's also fukawa's right to decide what needs to be clear between the two of them. ]
Fukawa chews on the inside of her lip. It doesn't sit easily with her, thinking he might remember Syo coming to him at all. What if he decides on his own that she's too huge of a psychopath to come back to? What if he stays afraid, forever, and goes after someone else? Prettier, nicer, saner and sweeter.
Have another turn of uneasiness amidst this all. After a second's thought:]
It...m-might be better, to stay close to the truth. Everyone else knows t-too much anyway, someone might say something to him.
I'll tell him that he got drunk at that party and messed around with someone else, and I was...upset. [God. She closes her eyes and rubs at her temple.] And — I don't kn-know if he'll react the same way again, but I think I'd have to w-warn him about Syo? Just that I have this condition. I don't have to s-say anything about you to him, or that we k-k-killed one another. None of that. It would j-just be better to warn him to stay away if I'm acting strange, or he hears me n-not stuttering...
Would that be all right with you? As a w-way to keep him safer?
[ a better way to keep him safer would be to never relinquish mikoto ever. again he feels like a parent sending his child off to preschool for the first time except mikoto is a grown ass man and maybe he should trust him a little more ]
If you're acting strange and Syo's out, isn't it already too late? He won't be able to outrun her or fight her off. "I"d have to...
[ step in and die in mikoto's stead. which is okay with him, but only the fighting and dying part, not what precedes it. ]
Tell him about how to trigger the change back. Sneezing. He'll believe it if it came from you, rather than "me" or Fjord.
[it might be pretty pointless to persuade him that if her own feelings have changed, Syo's have as well. Threat's a threat, and she wouldn't buy the explanation either.
So she nods.]
Of course. I wouldn't l-let him go anywhere without knowing it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
it should be a million middle fingers after everything
He lets go of her hand and she nearly totters back, head reeling as her chest is swarmed with every anxious, life-upending turn affection could take. Nothing like what she expects from this side of himself. Nothing he's allowed, nothing he'll acknowledge, until the pressure builds too high. Pop.
What else can she do?
Fukawa sweeps back in and threads her arms around him. Screw it. If he hurts her, fine. If he throws her off and runs, whatever. But she feels it all too.
Her heartbreak still stings but it's the want that hurts more. It's only been a month — wiser souls would tell them to get a fucking grip — but she's never been one to feel things by halves. Jealousy? Through the roof. Possessiveness? Oh boy. What do you think has her arms curling around him like it's a reunion of several years, and not mere days?
She wants him so much. Doesn't deserve him. Doesn't deserve to have any of this deluge spilled over to her. Shouldn't be reflecting it back, twofold. Infatuation might be quick and cheap, but it had been rooting too deep to call it so any longer.
Love. Vast, prescient, and terrifying.]
Please. [She hiccups against him, uncertain but so desperate.] Let me t-try again. I'll do whatever it takes. Please?
It d-doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to.
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"will you promise to make him happy?" that goes without question, without any input from her necessary
"will you promise to keep him safe?" that one's a bit more complicated, but is there anybody in the world who could? fukawa doesn't inspire much confidence in him, and syo remains a ticking time bomb, and the world is cruel but at least it can't hurt mikoto when he is being held hostage.
is safe better than happy? if he had to choose one over the other? ]
It's pointless, asking "me"...
[ he thinks of his wish, and what had brought them here. he looks down at his hands, hanging loose at his sides, watches them lift and settle back down on fukawa's shoulders so he can push her away and out of the hug. it's not a rejection, nor is it a gesture of reassurance. the overwhelming emotion is awkwardness. ]
But... if you'll take him back...
[ fukawa's the one who rejected him in the first place? incited her evil other self to kill mikoto for his wrongdoings. she's asking him to give her another chance but really shouldn't it be the other way around ]
no subject
Still, he's asking.
Fukawa wets her lips, and nods her head. Was there any other answer, after hearing all of this?]
I w-would. [She touches her finger under her nose, making certain she's not too bad of a mess. It could be worse. It's so hard, looking up into his eyes and not seeing him there. She feels a bit like she's taking this one at gunpoint, but god. She's too selfish to deny the offer. Anything to have him back.]
If what you s-said is true, then...how could I possibly say no?
[She huffs, fighting another round of tears. And for the first time since the party, there's a smile turning up the corners of her mouth.]
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[ she COULD......... but he wasn't really banking on it, not after everything. it's just resignation now, that he's feeling, exhaustion in the face of inevitable doom. ]
Whatever. Tell him in person when he wakes up.
[ which is so many days away... why is this pc monday makes it later in the week instead because the idea of him continuing to hold mikoto hostage all week anyways gets my ass ]
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AND SHE HAS TO SPEND THE WHOLE WEEK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM AS HIM NOW. COOL. SPIRALS ALL OVER AGAIN.
Anyway because this is kind of important.]
Wh-what do I say to him? What will he remember?
no subject
Uh. You- your other self, coming in all of the sudden was a shock. He'll probably repress that on his own.
[ probably? mikoto's always been good at that, running away from difficult problems, things that frighten him. maybe the memory would be there, but he wouldn't try to think about it... probably. is that good enough...? ]
...What he doesn't remember, will you tell him anyways?
[ is it important for him to know, the betrayal of a drunken night and the morning after? obviously it makes him uneasy, mikoto having to shoulder that and accept the blame, but it's also fukawa's right to decide what needs to be clear between the two of them. ]
no subject
Fukawa chews on the inside of her lip. It doesn't sit easily with her, thinking he might remember Syo coming to him at all. What if he decides on his own that she's too huge of a psychopath to come back to? What if he stays afraid, forever, and goes after someone else? Prettier, nicer, saner and sweeter.
Have another turn of uneasiness amidst this all. After a second's thought:]
It...m-might be better, to stay close to the truth. Everyone else knows t-too much anyway, someone might say something to him.
I'll tell him that he got drunk at that party and messed around with someone else, and I was...upset. [God. She closes her eyes and rubs at her temple.] And — I don't kn-know if he'll react the same way again, but I think I'd have to w-warn him about Syo? Just that I have this condition. I don't have to s-say anything about you to him, or that we k-k-killed one another. None of that. It would j-just be better to warn him to stay away if I'm acting strange, or he hears me n-not stuttering...
Would that be all right with you? As a w-way to keep him safer?
no subject
If you're acting strange and Syo's out, isn't it already too late? He won't be able to outrun her or fight her off. "I"d have to...
[ step in and die in mikoto's stead. which is okay with him, but only the fighting and dying part, not what precedes it. ]
Tell him about how to trigger the change back. Sneezing. He'll believe it if it came from you, rather than "me" or Fjord.
no subject
...
[it might be pretty pointless to persuade him that if her own feelings have changed, Syo's have as well. Threat's a threat, and she wouldn't buy the explanation either.
So she nods.]
Of course. I wouldn't l-let him go anywhere without knowing it.