Well, I didn't say I wanted to get rid of her, did I? [ huff. ] You shouldn't have to be punished for what she's doing. It isn't as if it's your fault.
[that's what she'd said about Mikoto, too. It wasn't fair, he hadn't done anything wrong.
But he also hadn't known what he was. She has. For a long time. There comes a point where someone has to take responsibility, and she thought she finally had.]
...It d-depends.
If I can't g-get that wish, I'll have to keep relying on her. You s-saw what happened to my world. She's one of the reasons I've been able to stay alive. To keep other people alive.
[She swallows thickly. It had come up already, with Mikoto. The other Mikoto. How do I kill her, and save you?
How, when they had the same condition but one could just fade himself out, and the other couldn't control who was out when at all?]
But...I want a peaceful life someday. I don't want to hurt people, or worry about h-hurting them.
[ he does nod a little, at this, watching her. his eyes are a soft and even blue today. both of them, he's not got the two separate colors. ]
That's not an unreasonable want, Fukawa. [ ... ] I want to help you get your wish so you can live as the person you want to be. That's more important to me than anything - not just for you, but for everybody.
[ but, more focused: ]
You're not a bad person for doing what you have to in order to survive. In a sense, she's protecting you, but the goal, I think... I think is to make sure you end up somewhere that you don't have to just survive. I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you.
[she does note the shift. Hard not to, when his eyes are his most prominent feature. What it means is beyond her. White hair first, the vines, now this...it doesn't look like the transformations everyone else is going through.]
I n-never thought of it as being "protected", back then. [Sure, nowadays, when she had wrangled Syo into a tool. An emergency measure against any and all threats, a scarily effective one at that. Mad dog on a leash. Before?] She u-used to k-kill the boys I liked.
[Did so again, just this last week.]
...You're...r-really gung-ho about all this. Helping people. [She can concede it. After a full month and some change, he hasn't wavered in it. Painful as it is to admit. She grimaces and looks down.] It's h-hard for everyone. It's n-not your responsibility to take all of the problems in the world and f-fix them, you know.
I'm trying...I w-want to take responsibility. For her. Because she exists because of me. B-because I tried to k-keep her hidden. That much is my fault.
[ thinks about how fukawa is missing a piece of the puzzle here because the memshare neatly skipped the part that would make that all make sense. ]
I know it isn't all my responsibility, but that doesn't mean I can't help. [ he says, pushing his hair out of his face. ] ... It's part of what I was made for, but past that, I really believe in it.
[ he's listening, though, and when she finishes, he nods. ]
I think that you can take responsibility for it, but I still don't think you're an awful person. I think you're trying, with what you have. Everybody here cares about you. That means something.
[our strategic memshare edits....thinks about how easy it is to turn people on byakuya]
...S-sometimes, I think it would be easier if you all c-cared less.
[she can't even deny it anymore. Not after everything people have done for her, have said to her this last week. Just a dogged determination to stay by her side.
She blinks fast, suddenly. Pushes her fingers beneath her glasses, struck by a sudden influx of emotion.]
What should I do? If you w-want to help, then just...help me.
[ a little smile, at the first bit. it would be easier, but he and the rest of the crew really don't like easy, do they. ]
I can try. I don't think that I have a fix for everything... I'm, um. I'm a little new to existence.
[ he's just a construct, after all, but. ]
I think that being honest is always the best way to handle anything. If you don't want her to hurt people, you should tell them she exists, so that they know what's coming. I know that's difficult and scary, though. It takes a lot of strength to do so.
[She can't really speak to his newness. It's still a weird concept to her, to imagine how life feels when you're dropped into it as newly fledged adult without the years of youth to back it up.
And she doesn't have the mind to try, right now. All she can do is sniffle pathetically and listen.]
Th-they know now. For better or for w-worse, I guess. They had a shitty little meeting behind my back about it.
[Yennefer confirmed it for her. Just like they had for Mikoto.]
...It was easier at h-home. When...I was f-forced to reveal the truth about her, it wasn't my choice either. And then everything was already ruined outside, so it barely mattered anymore what she was.
Being h-here with everyone scared me. They were n-nice to me, even when I was nothing but a w-worthless bitch in return. I was really....I was scared she'd r-ruin it. One way or another, she always does.
[ he eases a little closer, though he doesn't reach to touch her just yet. ]
I don't think they meant poorly by having a meeting. It is a little hard to know what to do with someone who might be able to hurt them if they say the wrong thing, so I imagine they were trying to figure out how to help you best.
[ and then, after a moment: ]
Don't talk about yourself that way, also. You're not worthless or a bitch. [ frowns... ] Everybody has seen both you and her, and they still care about you. I don't think she's ruined anything.
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no subject
Well, I didn't say I wanted to get rid of her, did I? [ huff. ] You shouldn't have to be punished for what she's doing. It isn't as if it's your fault.
[ hmmm.... ]
Do you want to be rid of her?
no subject
But he also hadn't known what he was. She has. For a long time. There comes a point where someone has to take responsibility, and she thought she finally had.]
...It d-depends.
If I can't g-get that wish, I'll have to keep relying on her. You s-saw what happened to my world. She's one of the reasons I've been able to stay alive. To keep other people alive.
[She swallows thickly. It had come up already, with Mikoto. The other Mikoto. How do I kill her, and save you?
How, when they had the same condition but one could just fade himself out, and the other couldn't control who was out when at all?]
But...I want a peaceful life someday. I don't want to hurt people, or worry about h-hurting them.
[I don't want to hurt him.]
no subject
That's not an unreasonable want, Fukawa. [ ... ] I want to help you get your wish so you can live as the person you want to be. That's more important to me than anything - not just for you, but for everybody.
[ but, more focused: ]
You're not a bad person for doing what you have to in order to survive. In a sense, she's protecting you, but the goal, I think... I think is to make sure you end up somewhere that you don't have to just survive. I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you.
no subject
I n-never thought of it as being "protected", back then. [Sure, nowadays, when she had wrangled Syo into a tool. An emergency measure against any and all threats, a scarily effective one at that. Mad dog on a leash. Before?] She u-used to k-kill the boys I liked.
[Did so again, just this last week.]
...You're...r-really gung-ho about all this. Helping people. [She can concede it. After a full month and some change, he hasn't wavered in it. Painful as it is to admit. She grimaces and looks down.] It's h-hard for everyone. It's n-not your responsibility to take all of the problems in the world and f-fix them, you know.
I'm trying...I w-want to take responsibility. For her. Because she exists because of me. B-because I tried to k-keep her hidden. That much is my fault.
no subject
I know it isn't all my responsibility, but that doesn't mean I can't help. [ he says, pushing his hair out of his face. ] ... It's part of what I was made for, but past that, I really believe in it.
[ he's listening, though, and when she finishes, he nods. ]
I think that you can take responsibility for it, but I still don't think you're an awful person. I think you're trying, with what you have. Everybody here cares about you. That means something.
no subject
...S-sometimes, I think it would be easier if you all c-cared less.
[she can't even deny it anymore. Not after everything people have done for her, have said to her this last week. Just a dogged determination to stay by her side.
She blinks fast, suddenly. Pushes her fingers beneath her glasses, struck by a sudden influx of emotion.]
What should I do? If you w-want to help, then just...help me.
no subject
I can try. I don't think that I have a fix for everything... I'm, um. I'm a little new to existence.
[ he's just a construct, after all, but. ]
I think that being honest is always the best way to handle anything. If you don't want her to hurt people, you should tell them she exists, so that they know what's coming. I know that's difficult and scary, though. It takes a lot of strength to do so.
I believe that you have it. For the record.
no subject
And she doesn't have the mind to try, right now. All she can do is sniffle pathetically and listen.]
Th-they know now. For better or for w-worse, I guess. They had a shitty little meeting behind my back about it.
[Yennefer confirmed it for her. Just like they had for Mikoto.]
...It was easier at h-home. When...I was f-forced to reveal the truth about her, it wasn't my choice either. And then everything was already ruined outside, so it barely mattered anymore what she was.
Being h-here with everyone scared me. They were n-nice to me, even when I was nothing but a w-worthless bitch in return. I was really....I was scared she'd r-ruin it. One way or another, she always does.
no subject
I don't think they meant poorly by having a meeting. It is a little hard to know what to do with someone who might be able to hurt them if they say the wrong thing, so I imagine they were trying to figure out how to help you best.
[ and then, after a moment: ]
Don't talk about yourself that way, also. You're not worthless or a bitch. [ frowns... ] Everybody has seen both you and her, and they still care about you. I don't think she's ruined anything.